Chapter 1
"No."
"You won't even think about it?"
"Uh...no."
"Bl-"
"Don't even say it."
"-oody hell, woman." Blue eyes stared defiantly into hazel ones. Both pairs sparkling with the instant intensity each fight brings.
"It's 'woman' now? I have a name. Buuufffyyy," she said, slowly, as if talking to a five year old. "Say it with me."
"Not the girl power bit, please," Spike sighed. "Luv, I just want to be comfortable."
"This is not about comfort, hon. You will not be doing your very best Johnny Cash impersonation on my speci-"
"'My'? I thought it was 'ours'," Spike interrupted, scarred eyebrow raised.
"Uh-huh," Buffy agreed, patting his hand in a way that said, "I'll play along with your delusion, sweetie". She turned on the couch, crawling slowly to him and sat on his lap, facing him. She gently kissed his lips, licking his bottom one for good measure. Spike's breath hitched in his throat.
"I'm sorry, Spike. Okay? When I said no, maybe," she paused, thinking. "Well, I actually did mean no. In fact I'm going to amend that to a hell no."
Spike, despite himself, chuckled softly. "Y'know, pet, I could just say yes to the monkey suit and then wear what I want anyways." At this, Buffy burst out laughing and didn't stop until she couldn't breath. Tears were in her eyes and he clearly heard her snort a couple of times. "It's not that funny of a statement, Buffy."
She laughed even harder, wiping a few of the tears that had broken free. Her laughter died down to soft giggles as she tried to compose herself and regulate her breathing. This is going to be fun, she thought sarcastically. She shook herself, still trying to regain her composure as Spike stared at her, clearly exasperated.
"I'm sorry, again," she said, beginning to laugh once more but quickly covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head back and forth, willing herself to stop. "Man, I needed that. Thanks, honey." She gave him another, longer kiss. While her mouth was still on his, she opened her eyes and saw his starting right back. She leaned back and sighed. "I said sorry. I try to make with the smoochies and you still look pissed off."
"I mightily am, luv."
"Jesus, is it so important to wear that awful suit?"
"You get to wear what you want and I-"
"You think I'm going to be comfortable?" Buffy asked, in shock. "Such a guy."
There was a knock on the door, interrupting any retort Spike was about to give. Instead, he shouted to come in and in they came, carrying bags, magazines, food and the prerequisite alcohol that Spike needed in order to get through this without committing himself to the local institution.
Xander peered around the corner that separated the kitchen from the living room. "Coming at a bad time?"
"No," Buffy said, a bit too quickly. "I am allowed to straddle my boyfriend if I so choose."
"Ugh with the visuals," Xander replied, holding up a six pack of bottles. "Beer?"
"God, yes," Spike answered, lifting both himself and Buffy off the couch and setting her down. He walked over to Xander and grabbed the bottle from him. "Thanks, mate." They tipped their bottles in each other's direction and drank. The three made their way into the kitchen, greeting Cordelia, Willow and Tara.
"Margaritas or mudslides?" Cordelia asked, holding up the mixture bottles.
"Any preference, ladies?" Buffy asked Willow and Tara, who both pointed to the margarita mix. "Oh, yeah. Good choice, girls." Buffy looked around. "So where is Anya? Lindsey? Giles? Dawn? Are they blowing us off?"
"Anya and Giles are still at the shop. There was a bit of a shoplifting problem. Kid's probably more scared of Anya than the police," Willow told her as she set out the glasses.
Tara grabbed the margarita pitcher and handed it Willow. "Dawnie said she would be here as soon as she stops at home to shower and change. She didn't want to and I quote, make everyone gag with her repugnant smell. End quote." Tara threw Buffy a smile.
"Ah, yes, the glorious days of being a waitress. At least it's not the Double Meat. That's a rinse and repeat numerous times," Buffy nodded knowingly.
"And Lindsey had a client meeting but he'll be here asap," Cordy yelled over the noise of the blender. "All done! Pitcher please?" Cordy poured the contents into the huge green pitcher that came with the margarita set the girls had bought for Buffy as an apartment warming present.
"Salt, glasses and limes are a go," Willow said as she set down the salt dish. "You guys want?"
"Uh, no, we're drinking manly beers here," Xander answered, looking wistfully at the margarita that Cordy was pouring.
"Don't be pathetic," Cordy sniped, practically shoving the glass in his hand. She winked at him and continued to fill more of the glasses.
"Hey, now, doesn't the bride-to-be get the first drink?" Buffy pouted. Xander looked at her sheepishly, handing the drink to her. "Thankies!"
"And the poof is where?" Spike asked no one in particular but knew he'd get answer from someone.
"I'm not a poof!" Xander yelled defensively. "Just because a guy may enjoy the cool, refreshing taste of a margarita every once in a while doesn't mean-"
"He's in L.A.", Cordy interrupted Xander's tirade. He noticeably flushed with embarrassment.
"And he's not a poof," Buffy said, smiling at Spike, who smiled in return. "Would it kill you to be the tiniest bit kind in regards to him? You wouldn't be where you are if it weren't for him."
Spike sauntered over to her, that sly grin on his lips. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her forehead. "Are you talking about the job or you, pet?"
"Actually, the job but come to think of it, you should be grateful for the other." They smiled at each other lovingly and suddenly heard a simultaneous groan from everyone in the apartment.
"Put me out of my misery," Xander griped.
"Jealous much?" Cordy snickered. "In any event, he's staying with Darla. The surprise-to-everyone pregnancy isn't going so well..."
"Someone please explain how those two soulless beings created a child?" Spike inquired, furrowing his brow.
"I don't know much about it, but I've read that when the man emits his sperm-"
"Tara!" everyone yelled in shock. She grinned and refilled her glass.
"One margarita and see how she gets?" Willow asked, stroking Tara's hair. "The way I hear it, Darla's actually gained some humanity in all the pregnancy. She's being, dare I say it, kind to people."
"Yeah, she even apologized for biting me that time when I flirted with Angel at the Bronze," Cordy put in.
"God, that was bizarre. That was right around the time I moved here," Buffy stated, shaking her head. "Believe me when I say I was glad to not have to contend with her when I dated Angel."
"Apparently," Cordy continued, "She has this fear that she's going to kill the kid once it's born. Like she's not prepared for motherhood or something. I told her it was probably natural to feel that way, that she was just being apprehensive about the impending birth. All she said was that she appreciated me trying to appease her, but she was well aware that she was thinking insane thoughts. I did not disagree."
"I still can't believe they got back together after all these years," Willow threw in. "It would be romantic if their entire relationship didn't border on twisted."
"Darla and Angel, I presume?" Dawn asked as she walked through the door. She saw Buffy and Spike, who were still holding each other and she rolled her eyes. "Can you two go an hour without the separation anxiety kicking in? Ooh, margaritas!"
Buffy released herself from Spike and stood between Dawn and the drinks. "What are you doing?"
"Getting a drink, obviously."
"She is twenty-one, now," Tara reminded her, quietly.
Damn, I forgot that. "I don't know...Cordy put quite a kick in these and if you aren't planning on staying here..."
"Like Tara said I am twenty-one now," Dawn argued as she reached around Buffy and grabbed a glass. "Besides nursing one drink over the next couple of hours does not a drunk person make." She looked around at everyone and shrugged to herself. "So...are we standing around here for a reason or can we, you know, be comfortable?" She didn't wait for an answer and walked into the living room. The rest followed suit, bringing the goods with them.
-----------------------------
"How about this one?" Dawn asked Buffy holding up the magazine.
"Now, I know you are joking," Buffy answered, scrunching up her nose in disgust. "There are bows. Bows are the work of the devil." She took another sip of her drink and leaned back on the couch, resting her head on Spike's outstretched arm. "Besides, I've picked out my dress. I just have to actually purchase it."
"Was it the one at Helson's?" Willow asked, her face lighting up at the thought. Buffy nodded, a large smile breaking out on her face as well. "Spike won't be able to make it through the ceremony."
"Why's that now?" Spike asked.
"It's...um...very nice," Willow muttered, giggling.
"Luv, you can't torture me. You can not wear anything that will lead to inevitable torture of the lower regions. I forbid it."
"You forwhat it?" Buffy asked cracking up. "The day you forbid anything I do, is the day that I am no longer on this plain of existence."
"All the boys will be in torture. Our dresses are very drool worthy," Cordy added. "So much better than Anya's bridesmaid dresses." The girls all shuddered in memory of those horrid neon green dresses.
"Yeah, she was definitely wearing the wedding goggles," Buffy commented.
"Wedding goggles?" Xander asked at a loss.
"Like beer goggles...but in regards to a wedding. Everything looks beautiful and great and then you realize, holy shit, what was I thinking? Although, I have yet to see Anya get to that point."
"I thought you looked nice. A little bright, but still beautiful," Spike murmured in Buffy's ear.
"We've had this discussion. Radioactive coloring leads to looking luminescent." Buffy sighed as she remembered the wedding and started to laugh. "Do you remember when Anya's old boss's gift got away? What the hell was that again?"
"A snake," Dawn answered, not finding it amusing at all. "Yeah, it was really great. You didn't have to go looking for it. Who actually gives someone a snake as a wedding present? Isn't that just...odd?"
"Anya is a bit odd, so..." Xander remarked.
"You should be the one to know," Cordy pointed out. Seeing him flinch visibly, she instantly felt bad. "Sorry, Xand. Tactless girl strikes again."
"Hey, I'm over it. No big." No one really believed that but they all nodded to reassure Xander that they did, even though he, himself, knew that no one believed him. It was hard to convince people you were over something when you couldn't even convince yourself.
"Find yourself a hot date for the wedding?" Dawn asked.
"I'm going in blind," Xander said, a goofy smirk on his face. "As in date."
"You're going on a blind date at my wedding?" Buffy shook her head. "No, this won't be any good. You and women are like...well, what if she's evil?"
"Not to worry. Wes and Gunn wouldn't do that to me. Uh, right?" he asked not as confident as he once was.
"Met the bird. Cute, nice, shy...doesn't seem to be harboring any delusional May Queen fascinations or Capitalist ideas," Spike jumped in quickly.
"She just moved up here from Texas, right?" Tara asked and Spike nodded. "Yes, she's very nice. You might actually like her a lot, Xander."
"Are we talking about the girl who was published in Science Weekly?" Willow asked, astonished. "I didn't mean to sound so surpri...not that Xander couldn't date the smart girl..." Cordy quirked her eyebrow in offense. "I mean, every girl he's dated is smart and I'm just going to be quiet." She turned to Tara and muttered, "Don't let me talk anymore tonight."
"Okay, sweetie," Tara whispered, giving her a kiss on her temple.
"Published in the what weekly? Is she a geek? Am I suddenly going to feel like less of a man when I meet her?" Xander asked, looking around worriedly.
"Suddenly?" Dawn quipped.
"Is she smarter than you, Willow?" She shrugged in response. "Oh, man, Will's right. I can't date the smart girl. I usually feel lacking in that area anyways and now I'm going to have to try and impress someone when I won't have a clue as to what she's talking about? Forget it. I'm not going. Nope. Not doing it. Can't date the smart one."
"Hey, mister! One of your exes is sitting right here. Have some decency," Cordy complained.
"I've never realized before just how incestuous your little gang of friends are, Buffy," Dawn commented. Everyone looked at her, mouths agape. She continued to flip through the magazine in a nonchalant fashion. "Well, think about it. You dated Angel and Spike, Xander's fooled around with Willow, dated both Cordy and Anya, Anya's now married to Giles, who, shudder to say, had sex with our mother, Cordy and Wes had a fling, now she's with Lindsey who if I remember slept with Darla at one time." Dawn took a breath, still not noticing the wide-eyed expressions on everyone's faces. "Gunn and Wes both liked this new girl and I think she went on a couple of dates with Gunn but then he met Gwen so that ended the Fred thing, Wes hooked up with Faith, who has come on to anything with a penis including but not limited to Xander, Angel and Spike." She took another breath. "You know, Angel seems to get around about as much as Xander."
"I do not get-"
"It seems the only one who has not made the rounds a lot is Willow. I guess it's a good thing you realized you liked the ladies," Dawn commented.
"One lady," Willow said defensively.
"Anyhoo, I'm just saying maybe you guys should, you know, branch out a little bit. Try dating people that aren't in the inner sanctum," Dawn stated matter-of-factly.
"And who are you bringing to the wedding, Miss Smarty Pants?" Buffy asked her irksome little sister. Dawn finally looked up at Buffy, her face resembling that of those in the room. "Oh, that's right. Connor...and he's who? Oh, Angel's brother. Riiighht."
"He's not my date in the technical sense. He's the only one there who is my age so you put us together. I don't need a date."
"Wait...Wes is with Faith?" Xander asked, a little more of his ego deflating.
"Sure, a couple of months now. Since she's, and I sarcastically say, turned herself around. Apparently, Wesley had a lot to do with that. Never mind the fact that he was hurt the most while she was on her tear of the West Coast," Cordy answered haughtily. "Besides, that's not important...Dawn, how do you know all this stuff and why don't I know it?"
"Duh, no one notices me, especially when I was younger so I could easily eavesdrop on everything. I bet I know a lot more about all of you and those that aren't here than any of you actually know," Dawn told her, smirking. The friends all looked at each other, flashes of fear in their eyes, all trying to desperately remember any embarrassing stories told when Dawn could have been present. "Like a deer caught in headlights...I finally understand that expression."
"I have plenty on you, too, girly. Don't you forget that," Buffy warned.
Dawn ignored her sister as she stood up from the floor, gathering her things. "I'd say my work here is done." She leaned over giving Buffy a quick kiss on the cheek and did the same to Spike. "I'll see you guys for breakfast at the house, tomorrow, right?" They both nodded, shock still coursing through them. "No later than 10 Mom said because then it's brunch and she doesn't want to cook lunch. See ya guys!" And with that she was gone.
"Uh...does anyone else feel like we're on Candid Camera? Like any minute that annoying man or maybe Suzanne Somers will pop out and be like hardy har har?" Tara asked, looking around her, hoping that someone will agree that the evening spiraled into Bizarro World territory.
"That show sucked when they brought in Suzanne Somers," Xander acknowledged.
"Apparently, Dawn is a force to be reckoned with. She could seriously hold the key to all of our downfalls," Cordy said, visibly shaken. "And can someone please reassure me that my boyfriend did not sleep with that vampy tramp?" Everyone looked away, at their shoes, the ceiling, whatever they could find to not have to look at her. "God, she's right. You know that scary commercial with the guy and girl in bed and the guy is, of course, insisting that they don't need a condom, he's clean but then all their exes come in the room, along with everyone they've slept with and the big scary announcer says something like you sleep with everyone that the person you're sleeping with has slept with? That's us." After a moment of thought, everyone grabbed their drinks.
----------------------------------
"Mom?" Buffy called out, entering the house.
"Kitchen!" Joyce responded. Buffy made her way there, smelling the waffle-y goodness. Joyce was chopping strawberries and looked up, smiling and then looked confused. "Where's the groom?"
"Angel called. He asked Spike to pick up a case since Angel couldn't do it," Buffy told her, picking up a strawberry. "Mmm, yummy."
"Is Angel suddenly deficient? Wait, don't answer that."
"Mom...I get enough Angel bashing from Spike, can you just not?"
"Sorry, honey, but we've had this planned since last week specifically because Spike doesn't have to work on Saturdays."
"I know," Buffy said, a bit annoyed. "But with Darla and the pregnancy, things are bit hectic right now. I actually was very impressed that Spike said yes. I figured he'd tell him to 'sod' off."
"Darla's pregnant?" Joyce practically screeched. "I didn't even know she was back."
"As the story goes, she came back, they had a night of passion, she took off again and then showed up on his door step seven months later with a 'Hey, Daddy' and so he's just trying to adjust."
"Crazy," Joyce muttered to herself, shaking her head. "Well, since Spike's not joining us, how about we go down to Helson's and buy you a wedding dress?"
"Ooh, yes, please!" Buffy jumped up and down excitedly. "We should also pick up your dress...if you ever decide on what you want to wear..."
"I actually did find something and it's not at what you so endearingly refer to as Muumuus 'R Us. I just wanted to have you see it first, make sure you like the color and what not. I know you'd give me an honest opinion."
"Of course. Is it at Helson's?" Joyce nodded. "Good, then it's a one stop kind of deal. We still need to order the flowers and get the cake thing situated. I need to get Spike to come with me for that. He's been dragging his feet a bit about the entire situation. If I weren't so sure that he loved me, I'd say he didn't want to do this."
"How'd the discussion about the tux go?"
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Awful. He picked up a black suit. All black. It's not that it's bad but it's not a tux and this wedding is going the traditional route. I want the whole nine yards...whatever that means."
"He does like black, Buffy. And if it's not an ugly suit..."
"No, no, no. It's not going to happen. I plan on telling him that he can change into it after the bulk of the wedding is done. You know the pictures, meal, cake shoving and the garter-flower toss thingy. But I'm letting him stew in his juices for just a bit first. Besides, Spike in that all black suit?" Buffy got a far away look in her eyes. Joyce waved her spatula in front of her face. Buffy blushed instantly. "Oh, sorry."
Dawn came in through the kitchen door, jogging in place as she shut it, bobbing her head to the music coming out of her walkman. She jogged over to Joyce and Buffy each giving them a quick kiss and pointed up and jogged off.
"Since when does Dawn jog?"
"She's apparently on some sort of health kick. What do we know about this Connor boy? Is he anything like his brother?"
"I think he's more disaffected, if that helps any. Angel brooded and Connor sulks. There's a difference."
"I'm not dealing with a mopey Dawn, Buffy. It was bad enough when you were dating Angel and constantly walking around like a wounded puppy."
"It was not that bad, Mom. We had our difficulties but on the whole it wasn't so bad. And hello? Not with him anymore so can we please for the love of all things get off the Angel thing?"
"What Angel thing?" Dawn asked, returning to the kitchen.
"Nothing, Dawn. We were actually talking about Connor and as always Mom went off on a tangent about Angel."
"Not as always," Joyce argued. "Dawn, what do you know about Connor?"
"I know he's fairly tall, skinny, needs a haircut and is allergic to smiling. Other than that, nada."
"So you know only superficial things, then?" Buffy asked, a small smile playing on her lips.
"Hey, it's not my fault he doesn't own a pair of scissors. I don't know why I need to explain this to you two of all people but you can not tell a person's personality by looking at them. If he's a good guy, I don't know...all I know is what I said before."
"Well, if he's going to be escorting you to the wedding, I at least want to meet him first."
"It's not a date! What did you tell her, Buffy?" Buffy raised her hands in a gesture that said she didn't say anything. "He was at the office, I was at the office picking up some stuff for Spike and you know...he asked if we could have dinner or and I'm quoting here 'something' and I said sure. I don't even know if he'll be my date for the wedding so can we please pass on this topic until more info is gathered?"
"Sure, honey," Joyce agreed as she brought the food into the dining room. They took their seats like nothing had ever changed and easily fell into a light conversation about the wedding, staying clear of all things Angel and Connor.